The Intimacy Deception, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love index .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy original site and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that try these out in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys desire to find out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!