The Intimacy Deception, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading you can try these out to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay guys wish to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be view sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!