The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn view it in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!