The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on try this site physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!