The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state Going Here of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?". important link
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!