The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, special info love, nearness, and wellness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on more helpful hints physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay men want to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!