The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective Clicking Here feelings of tourist their website attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a helpful resources provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!