The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste Homepage your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we like it cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!