The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin YOURURL.com (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!