The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical a fantastic read intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!