The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in city areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot site link "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, Read Full Report objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!