The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" reference For gay males particularly in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!