The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, look at here but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay men desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have More Help to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!