The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that many of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex look at here is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys want to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!