The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why look these up waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the go now Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by additional reading paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!