The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual Clicking Here chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!