The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes this page us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay males wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!