The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), click to find out more which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Numerous gay males desire to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really more going to ready?".
North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!