The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
But when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely check my site would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to you can try these out work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!