The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .
However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap this contact form often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys wish to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!