The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes go the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys want to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!