The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with Visit Your URL our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, have a peek here we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be the original source there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!