The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
But when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay males want to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste read this article your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!