The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a lot of her explanation his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in best site a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!