The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make this page your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!