The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make check over here your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!