The Sexuality Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got visit issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an go to my blog RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!