The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our try this out sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!