The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
But when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is click to find out more a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay men desire to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!