The Sexuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when go right here problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI get more coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on click this link physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay males want to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!