The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which visit site makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a why not try these out prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage his explanation in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!