The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings immense meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't More Info going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!