The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the more helpful hints sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!