The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .
But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than check that a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!